Humanity for Autobots
by Endangered Mind
Summary: I decided to make this after reading a guide to humanity by another user! THESE TOPICS WILL BE HIGHLY CONTROVERSIAL, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED HERE AND YOU WILL BE WARNED IN THE CHAPTERS, SO DON'T YOU DARE TRY AND SASS ME OUT THE WARNINGS ARE HERE AND IF YOU CHOOSE TO IGNORE THEM, THEN IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT AND NOT MINE!
1. Booze

**Humanity: Autobot Edition**

 **Chapter One: Booze**

"Hell yeah, pass me anotha Jagerbomb!" I slurred, with seven shots of assorted alcohol glass around me, some upside down, some shattered into tiny pieces. Saeko slid another one down the table and I drank it.

Across the room, Ratchet and Optimus watched curiously, as me and others (Saeko, Bella, Michella, Andrea and Mikaela) downed all types of alcohol. With every passing brand, they grew increasingly concerned. We were all looking worse for wear, but the rhythm kept us going and we were soon up on the dance-floor, dancing with Sam and Bee's holoform.

"Humans are strange creatures and a socially backwards culture" Ratchet noted, as Saeko slipped and fell unceremoniously into Bella's arms.

"Haha, Saeko fall down, make me laugh!" I giggled, looking at Ratchet and Optimus' holoforms across the room.

"Hey why don't we-" Bella was cut short as she vomited, spraying the green gunk all down Saeko's hair and over her yellow gown.

With that being the final straw, Ratchet and Optimus put their foot down and tried to get us out of the club with little success.

"But I don' wanna feed Grandma bacon while she's in tha bathtub!" Andrea snorted, before we all passed out.


	2. Fashion Statements

**Chapter Two: Fashion**

 **A/N:** **THIS HAS MENTIONS OF FUR COATS AND ANIMAL PRODUCTS! IF YOU DON** **'T LIKE THEN DON'T READ!**

"Hell no, Primark can go and do one! She looks like a slag in that cheap trash!" Saeko barked, before me and my sisters squealed at the volume of Ratchet's yelling.

"SAEKO DIAMOND JOHNSON, WHAT KIND OF LANGUAGE IS THAT, WHERE DID YOU HEAR IT?" Ratchet snarled before walking over to us.

"Oh for fuck's sake, drop the beat nasty face, why you looking at me?" Saeko yelled, trying to get big to Ratchet, before being smacked upside the head by me.

"Be nice! If it wasn't for Ratchet, we'd probably be dead with all the injuries we've sustained! I hissed and looked pretty solemn at the hurt in Ratchet's optics.

"Where. Did. You. Hear. It?" Ratchet still sounded mad, but he calmed down a bit since earlier.

"Ratchet, slag means a woman who does it with a lot of men, but we didn't realize that it was used on Cybertron as well. But anyway, I prefer Versace! They are so gorgeous and futuristic!" I smirked.

"No! They are made of animal skin! You even own a Dalmatian coat and a handbag with three tails put on it to add effect" Bella raged, causing Ratchet's optics to go as wide as they possibly go! (Let's see who gets the reference)

I laughed maniacally, throwing my hair back, allowing my deep emerald green eyes to shimmer in the ice blue light from Ratchet's optics.

"I mean, you even have one side of your hair black and the other white!" Andrea laughed.

"Shut up Bella, you stupid cow, you don't know fashion! It's my style, deal with it!" I seethed.

"I can't believe you Caroline, you wear dead animals for a living!" Ratchet barked, making me flinch.

"This conversation is over!" I yelled, before walking off.


	3. International Chart Toppers

**Chapter Three: International Chart Toppers**

 **A/N: Contains German lyrics and words, translations are at the bottom and said lyrics are marked with an asterisk (*). Sorry for not updating my Sam** **'s Sister story but I've run out of steam. Without further ado, here is chapter three of Humanity: Autobot Edition or whatever I called it, Humanity, Autobot, THING! GAH, I should shut up and get on with the chapter! There will be a full English version up, so don't worry! It will most likely be chapter four or five!**

"Du bist so gut für mich, Du veranderst mich"* I sang, my voice matching Nena's perfectly, albeit a little louder and deeper.

"What in Primus' fragging processer are you singing, fleshy?" Sunstreaker snorted, looking at me.

"Nitchs sollten Sie sich mit Sonnenschein als betreffen meine , es ist mein Geschäft nicht verkaufen*" I barked, a smirk tugging at my lips.

"Don't call me that!" He yelled, intakes venting air, an Autobot's way of sighing.

"I see that POTATOS ARE NURPLES WITH SPOODERS AND WAFFLES!" I laughed, producing a candy bar from my dress, unwrapping it and beginning to nom on it like a madwoman. "I hope Hatchet doesn't see me eating this, or I'd be in trouble!"

As if he had a sixth sense, Ratchet appeared on cue and threw his trusty wrench, knocking my delicious candy bar out of my hand and into the nearby bin.

I whirled round and just raged "You fat bitch!" I yelled. Unfortunately, Saeko was in the room and looked at me.

"What did I just hear from you, younger sister? You think I'm fat?" She sobbed, tears welling in her shimmering azure eyes.

"Look at what you did, tut tut tut!" Sunstreaker smirked, looking at me, bending down, getting right in my face. I could smell the oil on his breath. I began coughing and hacking, dashing for the nearby toilet and vomiting. I emerged, looking deathly ill.

"Sunstreaker, you slagging glitch! Oil can be dangerous to humans!" Ratchet yelled, conking Sunstreaker on the helm with his wrench.

"Yes Hatchet's right, although that doesn't help the case that he's a fat bitch!" I laughed and Saeko smiled, realizing it was the Doctor of Doom I was on about!

 **A/N: It's 4am here and I CAN'T SLEEP! So I decided to update this and my mom will be so mad with me! Jokes, she'll be like 'Why did you stay up?' My response? 'YOLO'**


	4. Hair Dye

**Chapter Four: Hair Dye**

 **A/N: Sorry for last chapter, here are the translations**

 ***You are so good for me, you change me**

 ***Nothing you should concern yourself with Sunshine as it** **'s none of your business.**

As a young girl and through most of her adult life, Saeko Johnson was a very pretty girl, who had luscious golden locks.

FLASHBACK - THE YEAR 2015

"But Dad! Why can't I get my hair dyed?" The young Saeko yelled, dressed in a modern blue dress with large diamond earrings in her ears and a even bigger diamond necklace around her neck.

"Because, it won't suit you darling, you look nice blonde!" Her father stated, glaring at her with a 'I'm-your-parent-and-you-do-what-I-say' look, that told her she wasn't going to get her own way.

"Dad, for fuck's sake, I'm 29 now! Stop treating me like a child!" Saeko barked, fed up of her oppressive father.

"She has a good point Dad, we all got our hair dyed, why not Saeko?" Andrea answered, walking in with bright blue hair and a few tattoo's on her arms, at which point her father spit his tea out and choked on his crumpet.

"Andrea *cough, hack* why is your hair green? Did you *cough cough cough* dye *hack* it at a pep rally? You get to your room right this instant young lady!" Micheal yelled to his daughter, standing up to her with his 5ft 6in frame, forgetting that all his daughters were at least 5ft 10in or taller.

"Forget it daddy, I'm dying my hair tonight and there's nothing you or Mom can do about it!" Saeko yelled, before walking out the door with her five siblings

PRESENT DAY, PRESENT TIME - 8TH JULY 2017

No longer was the golden hair, kind hearted girl we all grew up with that stood infront of us, but a fiery, battle hardened near-insane redhead with a sick and twisted sense of humor. Gone were the days of massive diamond accessories and two-tone dresses. In their places were single dangling earrings, and a 1930's necklace. Away went the dress that she wore to our parents wedding and out came the futuristic Saeko. Asymmetrical stylings and bold colours fixed with chunky accessories became her new fashion sense.

The same went for Andrea, gone was the joking fun girl we all knew and loved. After the death of our closest uncle, Andrea went insane and became a breakaway. Torn clothing, gaudy make-up and punk hair. She had loads of tattoos and our parents went insane over it, to top it all off, all our names were tattooed on her left arm and the Autobot hieroglyphs on her right arm. She had snakebites* and a nasallang* piercing Over the years, we all became shadows of our former selves. The Autobots never noticed as it happened slowly.

On the 9th July 2017 at 8:55am, Andrea suggested we watch some old home movies and reconcile on past events. We pulled one out and put it in the DVD player. On the screen, the video burst into life, showing us younger, before we all went damn near insane and became breakaways. Back were the dresses, accessories and styles. The grunge was back too and we were shocked. I doubt the Bot's could believe it either.

"You looked fabulous. What happened?" Optimus asked, optics wide open in shock.

"What happened? War, darling, war happened. War ruined us, shattered us like a mirror and forced us back together like two pieces of a puzzle that do not fit. It made us go insane, until we found you."

Red Alert, our Security Detector walked in and about dropped dead. "Optimus, I insist you get those femmes off the base, they probably kidnapped the Johnson Sisters! They could be dead! Or worse, I've not seen them in two stellar cycles!"

"Red, hun, this is us! You're looking at the Johnson Sisters right now!" Michella laughed demonically, making the Bot's back up a little.

"Why do you have those bits of metal and decals on your skin? Are they poisonous? I insist you take them off now! Now I say! NOW!" He grew more and more ansty with every passing second.

"Red Alert please, the piercings do no damage and the tattoos are perfectly fine, they are not poisonous. Tattoos are skin deep and they need to be removed by laser treatment, which is very painful."

"I love pain! Someone pass me a hobo so I can rip his knackers off and stick them up his ass, then break his neck and eat his eyes!" Saeko smirked. "Can I see how painful it would be if I-" She was cut off by Michella interrupting her.

"Saekella!* stop this nonsense at once!" Michella barked, looking a little frightened herself.

*Nasallang- A piercing in between the the bridge and nostrils

*Snakebites - Two rings on the top lip.

*(Pronounced Say-k-ella)


	5. Abortion

**Chapter Five: Abortion**

 **A/N: Ok, here it is! The first controversial chapter, don** **'t you dare flame, you've been warned in the description of this fanfic and you are now being warned in this chapter's Author Note.**

Michella was found sobbing, make-up smeared, calling herself a pathetic slut and a damned whore saying the world was better off without her.

When she walked out of the bathroom, immediately seven pairs of eyes and eight pairs of optics affixed on her. Her eyes were puffy and red, her face pale and thin. It was clear she was vomiting a lot.

"Michella, darling, what's wrong? You seem to act like a poor person!" Sunstreaker commented, earning him a glare from the Doctor of Doom, before he folded down into his Lamborghini mode and went outside the base to the firing range, possibly to vent.

"I'm pregnant, dear. I don't know who the father is!" That got everyone's attention. Sunstreaker looked furious and the rest of us shocked.

Ratchet bent down and examined Saeko more closely, optics filled with concern. "You are three weeks along and from my scans, I can tell you that your baby is a female, although this may be due to change as the Y chromosome has no effect until the 6th week. What do you wish to do with your unborn child?"

"I think I might have an abortion, but then again, I may not. It all depends who the father is" Michella sniffled, eyes looking a little less red.

"Hold up, what's an abortion?" Sideswipe asked. The response shocked him.

"The termination of an unborn fetus before it fully develops." Caroline stated, with the following outburst leaving her ears ringing.

"That's awful, how dare you!" Ironhide bellowed, causing Michella to run off crying. The other Autobots began expressing their opinions.

"STOP IT! STOP IT!" I yelled, getting everyone's attention. "LEAVE MICHELLA ALONE, SHE IS MY SISTER AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH I CARE FOR HER WELFARE AND YOU AREN'T HELPING! MICHELLA, MICHELLA COME BACK!" I cried running after her, only for Sunstreaker to drive in at high speed, hitting my legs and snapping them painfully, causing me to shriek out in pain. The other Autobots ran and stopped as my face made contact with Sunstreakers hood and a loud crack was heard as my neck broke, leaving me completely paralyzed from the neck down, but somehow not killing me. I watched as the Autobots faded from my vision

 **A/N: This WILL affect the Sam's Sister storyline. If anyone can guess who the sister is that is now a quadriplegic, then props to you! This is the main reason why Chapter Ten of Sam's Sister isn't up yet!**


End file.
